I've come to the realization (with some help from others) that I tend to keep myself over-booked so that I don't have time to "think." When there is quiet time, it's a bit scary. In those quiet moments, I actually have time to turn around and stare the boogie-man in the face... HLHS. When I'm busy advocating, working, volunteering, being mommy to two rambuncious girls, etc. I can fill my mind with "other" things. It's much easier that way (or so it seems.) It's been suggested that a concerted effort to breathe once in a while and face the realities of Zoe's heart defect might be a wise choice. I have an uncanny gift of disassociation.
Don't get me wrong. I'm faced with it every day (the scar taunting me when changing Zoe's clothes or giving her a bath, when holding her cool hands or seeing her blue fingernails) but those cues are easier to register tangentially than the realities of what those cues really mean. With Zoe's next open heart surgery, a year or perhaps two years away, I like to forget. Forgetting, however, doesn't assist in the grief process (which never really ends with HLHS families.) Grief starts the day of diagnosis and continues throughout our entire lives. It's hard work. It's exhausting.
So, I fill my day with "others."
One of my most favorite "others" is politics. I'm so extremely relieved that President Obama won re-election. It means a heck of a lot to our family, and so many families I've come to know and love. Even the ones who don't realize (yet) how beneficial the next four years will be with Obama as our nation's leader. I'm ecstatic, proud and so honored to have played a small role in the campaign.
The second best part about Obama's re-election: my conversation with Emerson the morning after Election Day. She asked many questions, particularly geared towards those who were "sad" about the election results. It was so nice to have an opportunity to talk to Emerson, my four-year-old, about what it means to be respectful, humble, to live with humility, and talk to her about what it means to live in a democratic nation. I think the next four years will be a great learning experience for all of us, our children included.
Since I need to get back to busy, I'll leave you with photos from some of our "other" activities which keep us away from the boogie-man...
|(Quality time with Uncle Bri)|
|(Spending time in Northern AZ)|
|(Play dates - HLHS troublemakers on the right...)|
|(HLHS troublemakers on the laps!)|
|(Comparing the Giants)|
|(Attending the Congenital Heart Walk!)|
|(Raising lots of funds for CHD Research/Awareness!)|