Insomnia

Two years ago tonight I couldn't sleep.

I was awake, 9 months pregnant and preparing to relocate to Philadelphia for what would be the most intense year of my life. For those of you that know me well (and I mean really well), intense and me are far from strangers.

I sat sitting on my bed, going over details in my head. What did we forget to pack? Will Emerson wonder why she isn't sleeping in her own bed? Will she behave on the 5.5 hour flight to Pennsylvania? And, the most gnawing thought of all... what if we return home without our baby?

Thank God everything fell into place the way in which it did. Zoe did come home and boy has she exceeded all of my hopes. On a daily basis, I see myself in her and my parents remind me that her behavior is "payback." Yes, I was feisty. Yes, I was a pain in the butt. No, I didn't listen to 90% of what my parents advised. I believe, in my heart, that those personality traits have heightened my strength and perserverance. I thank God that Zoe inherited those same traits.

So when she's climbing the barstools and onto the countertops when I run for a bathroom break...

or destroying the pantry...

or covering herself in Cetaphil...

I remind myself, "this is why she's still here with us" and smile.

Tonight, I have insomnia all over again.

Tomorrow Zoe will have her first echocardiogram since July of last year. I'm paranoid. I'm anxious. I'm terrified. But, I have to keep telling myself that this little "stinker" (as she now calls herself) is a fighter, regardless of what the echo tells us. She's destined to fly.

We've received many kind words, thoughts and prayers heading into tomorrow's testing and we very much appreciate them. We'll certainly let everyone know the results as soon as we're able.

Much love,
The Lihns